LeBron James turned 33 yesterday, and when asked about whether he had a favorite birthday so far, he had this to say

“I don’t know, to be honest,” he said. “Eighteen is always cool. You have this false notion that you’re a grown man, and you turn 18, and you’re actually not. But you have this false notion. I turned 18 during my senior year, and I was like, ‘Manhood now, I’m ready.’ I was nowhere near ready for that.

“Eighteen was good; 21 was cool. People had known my story for so long. There was always certain clubs and stuff I used to go to, and they were like, ‘Come on, bro, we know you’re not 21. We cannot let you in here and mess up our liquor license.’ So 21 was pretty cool too, especially when I went to Vegas, because I was playing USA Basketball so much.

“When I turned 21 and I went to Vegas that summer, I was like, ‘I’m back,’ and I was so happy to show my [ID] card to ’em. I was like ‘Bow!’ with my ID. I’m like, ‘I’m 21, let me up in here. I’m up in here.’ Those were a couple good ones.”

 

Oh, I’m suuuuure that clubs in Akron and Cleveland were being very careful about maintaining their liquor licenses by barring LeBron freaking James at the door. If I know one thing about bars, it’s that their standards become famously lax when a famous person or a group of attractive women are in line to get in.

And that joke doesn’t even hold up, because there’s no way LeBron even had to wait in line!

That’s not to say LeBron wasn’t ever denied – I’m sure there was a tryhard bouncer out there that was ready to die for the honor of his profession, but as it stands, there’s almost no way that James didn’t waltz into just about whatever club or bar he wanted to.